There’s this interesting math equation one of my sisters told me about years ago.
It goes like this:
Expectations
— Reality
____________________
Level of Happiness
Or in written form: Expectations (minus) Reality (equals) Level of Happiness.
If this is true, the best way to increase our level of happiness is to decrease our expectations.
Unfortunately, we often think the best way to increase our happiness is to change our reality. But like it or not, reality is reality; it is what it is.
One of my favorite quotes by thought-worker Byron Katie is, “When we fight with reality, we lose. But only every time.” Such a profound truth! Yet how often do we still find ourselves fighting with reality. Especially when it comes to other people’s behavior. We maintain high expectations of the other humans around us at the expense of our happiness (and even sanity) far too often.
Something I have been working on for the past decade is every time I find myself frustrated by the unmet expectations I have of other people, I try to just increase my expectations of myself. Because that’s the only thing in my power to control!
Here’s an example: if I am feeling frustrated because I’m thinking my teen isn’t speaking respectfully to me, that is my cue to increase my level of respectful speaking towards my teen and increase my level of respectful speaking towards myself. It is proven that modeling (NOT lecturing and demanding) is the best way to improve the behavior of teenagers.
I invite you to join me in increasing your level of happiness by following the simple formula: decreased expectations of others’ behavior and increased expectations of your own behavior.
I’m excited to see if we all notice a difference!