Teens Have Big Emotions

I've notice a pattern with my 17-year old lately. She will have an emotional night (which generally manifests as negativity, criticism, frustration, and anger--sometimes directed at me).

Then just before bed or the next morning, she will send me a really kind text oozing with gratitude, apologies, and love.

This pattern used to feel like an emotional rollercoaster, but now I just accept it as life right now.

Our teens are going through significant brain development, with emotions often outpacing their reasoning abilities.

Dr. Frances Jensen, a neuroscientist and author of the bestselling book, The Teenage Brain, explains that the "emotional seat" of the brain is fully functioning long before the "rational filter" is properly wired, causing teens to have heightened emotions and act more impulsively.

In other words, it's "normal" for them to lash out when stressed or tired, only to later realize they overreacted. When this happens, remember your teen is right on track.

While it's challenging to be on the receiving end of these big emotions, personally it helps to know it's developmentally normal. When I remind myself it's not my job to fix the emotion, it's easier to drop into empathy and compassion.

Our teens don't actually want to lash out and hurt the people around them; they are just trying to get through adolescence. Even if apologies aren't immediate, staying calm and being the best parent you can be is key.

Avoid countering their emotional reactions with your own, as this can leadto saying and doing things you may regret--now YOU also need to apologize!

Over time, your teen will learn and apologize, even if it takes years.

When emotions are high, take a deep breath and give grace to everyone in your home. You're all doing great.

In summary, remember:

• You don't need to be hurt or offended by your teen's emotions.

• You don't need to punish their emotions.

• You don't need to fix their emotions.

Let them be upset, and let us stay emotionally grounded.

What patterns have you seen with your teens' emotions? I'd love to hear how things are going at your house.

Most importantly, remember you're not alone, and this phase won't last forever.