When You Can't Shake "Mom-Guilt"

If you're like me, you might sometimes feel guilty for not always being there for your kids. I still work at the hospital several days a week. On those days, I leave for work before my kids wake up and get home an hour after they return from school.

When I'm gone, my kids wake up to an alarm, make their own lunches, and watch the clock to be ready when the carpool arrives.

Sometimes this makes me sad.

I would love to be a mom who's always home to kiss my kids before they run out the door to school and hug them the second they come back home.

During the summer, my kids spend the whole day together without parents. They handle their responsibilities, get themselves to extracurricular activities, or play with friends. Some days, they might even watch a few hours of TV. Gasp.

Sometimes this makes me sad.

When I get home from work, I might leave for a workout, and my kids call me with questions about homework, concerns about their car, or wondering if I'll be home in time to take them to the store.

My ten-year-old even calls me sometimes with big fears stemming from anxious thoughts. Often, I'm not as available as I (and they) would like me to be.

Sometimes this makes me sad.

But then I see my kids. They are strong. They are confident. They are independent and resourceful. When I'm not available, they figure things out on their own or get help from each other. I'm amazed at how well they've learned to navigate the world.

And this.... makes me really happy.

My mom raised ten kids and called this phenomenon "selective neglect." My siblings and I have a few minor scars from childhood; but overall we're healthy, functioning adults.

Don't get me wrong, I still prefer to be home. When I am, I'm all in: making meals, helping with math, taking them to the doctor, and fussing over their hair. I'm running them all over the county for activities.

But when I'm gone, I delegate and let go, praying extra hard that their day goes smoothly.

Whatever keeps you from being as available as you'd prefer—single parenthood, chronic illness, mental health struggles, or working outside the home—know that your kids will be okay. Kids are incredibly resilient and stronger than we think.

Whether you're overly busy or not, it's important to let your kids handle their paperwork, manage their calendar, make their lunch, and schedule appointments.

In truth, we're not actually raising kids; we're training up adults. Encouraging them to tackle challenges builds confidence and prepares them for adulthood.

What do you think about this topic? Do you agree or disagree? I would love to hear your thoughts.