Who Are Your Teen's Mentors?

This shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone, but our teens are growing in a very different world than we did. One of the major ways this is true is the number of hours they are spending with their peers. 

My son asked me the other day, “How did you hang out with your friends when you were a teenager?” I told him we had to arrange it at school or over the phone beforehand. We sometimes had to WAIT an hour before the phone was even available to make a call. And when I was really young, that phone was connected to the wall in the kitchen, so anyone could easily overhear the conversation. Crazy!

Today our kids have almost constant access to their peers.

According to recent statistic, most teens spend 14-16 hours a day in peer mentoring! That's 7 hours a day at school plus 7-9 hours a day on their phones talking and texting, hanging out, doing extracurricular activities, and engaging with social media. 

One reason this statistic is alarming is that our teens now look to their peers for guidance, often more than the adults in their lives. And it turns out, their peers don't know any more than they do! It's the blind leading the blind.

As parents we need to do what we can to take back our place as our teens’ most influential mentors. This can be done a number of ways; but one of the best ways is by strengthening our relationships with them.

Did you know that your teenager's ability to talk to you is the main vehicle by which you will have any influence on them? In other words, if your teen isn’t talking to you, your influence on them is minimal. They are seeking advice, approval, and mentorship elsewhere.

Despite what you might sometimes think, your teen DOES want to have a relationship with you. But for whatever reason, things have broken down recently. And if you're anything like me with my oldest daughter several years ago, you are quite concerned and frustrated by the current trajectory of the relationship.

The best way I have found to improve my relationship with my teen is, surprisingly, by improving my own mental and emotional health. Through doing this, I became a better sounding board, a calmer presence in my teenager's storms, a happier supporter, and ultimately a stronger mentor.

Despite the peer-focused culture for which our teens are growing up, we can still be their greatest mentors if we put in the deliberate effort to have a stronger, more impactful relationship.

It really is possible.