All-or-Nothing Thinking

All-or-nothing thinking is real. And we ALL do it (see that, I just did :) 

Especially when we're trying to make positive changes in our lives, we tend to initially be overly optimistic. 

For example, if we are trying to improve our health, we may set a goal to start exercising six days a week, rain or shine, when we haven't been exercising at all for six months. 

In parenting, we might say we will NEVER yell at our teen again, when yelling has been the norm for the past five years. 

Using the words ALWAYS and NEVER are just different versions of all-or-nothing thinking. 

I see all-or-nothing thinking trip people up every day. The second they (inevitably) do the thing they told themselves they would never do, or don't do the thing they promised themselves they would do, they feel shame and discouragement and give up. 

With my clients, I focus on incremental progress, whether that's 1%, 10%, or 20% better. If they want to have more home-cooked dinners with their family, but they haven't had a single one in a year, we start with a goal of having dinner as a family once a week. If they haven't spent quality one-on-one time with their teen in several months, I might challenge them to schedule 1-2 hours with them in the next two weeks. 

When our goals are manageable and just one step above our current reality, it is so much easier to find success and stay positive. Even 1% daily improvement over the next month is 30% better! 

This year, let's ditch the all-or-nothing thinking and just focus on incremental progress. And if there are any goals that you made three weeks ago--but already discarded because you didn't do them perfectly--revisit them to see how you can just be 10% better than where you are now.