Back to School Anxiety

It was back-to-school night for my 7th grader. Her first year at the junior high. She'd spent an hour and a half getting ready and was super excited to go.

We walked in, got a map of the school, and proceeded to find each of her classes and meet her teachers. I noticed she became increasingly moody and short with me the longer we were there. She saw some of her friends and lit up for 10 seconds, and then went back to being grouchy. 

By the time we were driving home, she was full-on ranting: “Why do we even have to go to school anyway?! It's SO stupid! I hate school!" 

My first instinct was to launch into a lecture about how lucky she was to go to school; that many girls her age throughout the world didn't have that privilege. (Don't ask why this is always my first instinct.) I bit my lip and kept quiet instead.

And then it dawned on me: she is TERRIFIED. That back-to-school thing was really overwhelming for her. Even I felt overwhelmed by that huge school and all the people. She'd been in the comfort of elementary school up to this point and had had the exact same friend group since third grade. She only knew about 3% of these 2,000 kids, maybe fewer. 

Instead of lecturing, my thoughts turned to compassion. This was super tough! I remembered my own experience of starting junior high. All my close friends had gone to the other junior high and I was starting from scratch with friends. I was nauseated and anxious every day for the first two weeks.

So instead of a lecture, I said, “Hey, that probably felt really overwhelming. And I'll be honest, it's probably going to be stressful for the first couple of weeks. So be patient with yourself. But I promise you, by 1.5-2 weeks in, you won't even be able to remember why you were so nervous.” 

Turns out, that's almost exactly how it happened. In fact, even after one week she was already happy and coping well.

Teens are resilient. But during the first few weeks of school, they will probably be anxious. As their parent, expect some moments of moodiness and overreacting. Be patient with their less-than-desirable behavior. Hold space for their emotions, whatever they are. 

You don't need to fix anything. Your kid will be fine (especially if you don't make it worse by reacting to them). Be really proud of yourself for how mature you can respond to their immaturity. 

Parents, good luck with back to school! Take a deep breath. Or several if you need to. You've got this, and so do your kids.