Cognitive Dissonance

By definition, cognitive dissonance is the discomfort a person feels when their behavior doesn't align with their values and beliefs.

Dissonance is created when a person holds two contradictory beliefs at the same time.

But dissonance is also the key to CHANGE.

When we gain a new belief that doesn't align with our current behavior, we will either drop the current behavior to align with the new belief or we will abandon the new belief and return to the old belief (and behavior).

For example, let's say we adopt a new belief that drinking 64 ounces of water a day will improve our hydration and overall health. Either we will start drinking 64 ounces of water to support our new belief or we will decide drinking water doesn't matter that much, justifying our return to our old behavior.

Relate this principle to parenting. What's a belief or value you have that is at odds with your behavior?

Maybe you're trying to stop yelling at your teen, but deep down you hold the belief that your teen only responds to you when you yell.

Maybe you think you should spend more one-on-one time with your teen, but because of your history you hold a belief that you'll just end up getting in an argument.

Maybe you'd like your teen to start paying for their own meals when they eat out, but you have an underlying belief that your teen will only like you if you give them money.

New habits only follow changes in BELIEFS!

When faced with the dissonance, we need to embrace the uncomfortable CHANGE in order for the new belief (and habit) to stick.

What's a habit you want to adopt?

Take a look at the beliefs behind your current actions and inaction. Those beliefs are what's keeping you stuck.

As you embrace the new belief, the cognitive dissonance will lead you to your new habits.

Give it a try this week!