How Do I Handle This Situation?
Your teen has all F's... She refusing to go to school... He came home two hours late for curfew... He got a speeding ticket... She slept in and won't go to church... He got in a fist fight with his brother... You found a vape in his car... You feel like she's lying to you again... She hasn't done her chores in weeks.
These and many other challenging situations occur on the daily while raising teenagers. In the midst of these moments, what is our job as their parents?
Here are some questions I find myself pondering daily:
Do I give a consequence or allow for natural consequences?
Do I set limits and expectations or allow freedom?
Do I give counsel or just listen?
Do I ask more questions or just trust?
Do I require follow-through or let it go?
Do I praise the positive or draw attention to the negative?
Our teens face immense pressures and make countless decisions daily. While many of these decisions are fantastic, they also make mistakes—sometimes significant ones.
For instance, my 16-year-old daughter recently "fell asleep" at the wheel, rear-ended another car, and missed two classes. Navigating this situations with my husband proved challenging, as we initially disagreed on the approach.
While I don't know what would be best for your specific situation and your unique kid, here are some principles to help guide when things are less than ideal.
Stay Positive: Acknowledge and celebrate any positive actions, no matter how small. This not only strengthens your relationship but also encourages more positive behavior.
Hug Often: Physical affection is crucial. Studies show that regular hugs reduce anxiety and promote well-being. Aim for multiple hugs a day, even if your teen resists initially.
Allow Natural Consequences: Let natural consequences teach and DO NOT bail your teens out. But avoid adding extra punishment if the natural outcome is impactful enough.
Listen More: Teens get talked at all day. To foster connection, prioritize listening over speaking. Choose to trust your teen, regardless of the past. Your trust will eventually contribute to their being more trustworthy.
Set Clear Boundaries: Establish and maintain reasonable limits. Teens feel more secure knowing the boundaries and seeing their parents stand firm.
Stay Calm: Before reacting, ensure you're in a calm and balanced state. Don't add more emotional fuel to the fire. Your inner wisdom is your best guide in challenging situations.
Remember that your main job as a parent is to love your kids. Your next most important job is to teach. Let go of control and build the relationship wherever possible.
Plan on your teens making lots of mistakes and you helping to teach them what to do next. Remember that any mistake made in your home will likely be one less mistake they will make later.
Take some deep breaths. It's all going to be fine.
