How Frustration Tolerance Fuels Learning

Did you know that, as humans, all our dreams lie on the other side of uncomfortable emotions? Are we teaching this to our kids? (Do we even remember this ourselves?)

Discomfort is literally the price we pay for any success we achieve in this life.

This is a common theme in coaching sessions with my teenage and young adult clients.

Maybe it has something to do with our society, but it seems like the youth of this generation have been led to believe that success is experiencing ease and constant happiness.

The problem with this idea is it makes teens afraid to try new things, feel uncomfortable emotions, get outside their comfort zone, reach for big goals, and dream.

Let's take the example of learning new things in school.

The space between not knowing and knowing something, "the learning space," can be very uncomfortable. Especially for people who pride themselves in their ability to learn quickly and easily.

Dr. Becky Kennedy talks about how the academically gifted often tie their identity to "knowing." So when they are in the place of "not knowing," they experience a mild (or severe) identity crisis.

In these moments, it can be tempting for these kids to quit or hide.

This is because the most common emotion in the learning space is FRUSTRATION.

Feeling frustration is not an excuse to quit; it's an indication that learning IS happening! This is empowering to know.

And it's kind of exciting if you think about it. The learning space is something we can learn to LOVE!

When we feel frustration, nothing has actually gone wrong. It means we're on the right path! The path to mastery and success.

Resilience and success come from the length of time we can tolerate frustration in the learning space.

What modern-day teens need more than anything else is to develop greater frustration tolerance. And a huge part of this is helping them reframe their experience of learning.

Learning isn't supposed to feel easy; it's supposed to feel FRUSTRATING!

But eventually we will get to the other side and feel the pride and confidence that come with mastery and "knowing."

I invite you to share this perspective with the young people in your life. Encourage them to see frustration as a friend in their journey to mastery.

As parents, we can help this generation welcome challenges and persist in the face of setbacks. Let's reframe frustration into an exciting step on the path to success.

Remember, every great achievement starts with feeling uncomfortable.