How to Stay in Your Lane
As a parent I've often reflected about how I can best “stay in my lane?” Byron Katie taught that there are three kinds of business in this world: my business, others' business, and God's (or the Universe's) business. Much of the suffering we experience in our lives, and certainly in parenting, is cause by us trying to control things that are none of our business (because they are outside our control).
What is our business when it comes to parenting?
Over the past several years, I have defined what I believe makes a good parent: A good parent teaches, loves, and protects their children. That's it.
So if I'm striving to be a good mom, my business is to teach my children everything I think they need to know to be successful. My children's business is to learn; I can't do that for them. My business is to love my children as completely and unconditionally as I am able. My children's business is whether or not they will choose to feel loved. My business is to protect my children--physically, mentally, and emotionally--the best way I know how. My children's business is to make smart choices and stay in safe places.
I've had periods of my parenting journey when I have wallowed in pain and anxiety because my children have chosen not to learn what I've taught, not feel loved despite my best efforts, and put themselves in harm's way. As a result, they have gotten VERY hurt.
But ultimately, that's their business. I have had to let it go.
And where does God (or the Universe) fit in? Anything outside the realm of my business or others' business is God's business. In my opinion, God makes it His business to fill in the gaps, especially when we fall short. I've decided to believe that the business of God/the Universe is to always conspire in our favor, even if things don't immediately appear to be working out.
So, the trick to staying in your lane as a parent is to ask these questions:
Is this my business?
Do I have control over this outcome or result?
If the answer is NO, then let it go.
Stay in your lane and keep focused on your business.
