My First Coaching Breakthrough

I want to tell you a story. 

It was my first experience getting coached about my oldest daughter. She had just received her driver's license, and I was terrified every time she left in our car. We had a very disconnected relationship at the time.

I remember folding the laundry one afternoon and checking her location about every ten minutes. I was anxious about what she was up to, certain she was lying to me, and unsure about what to do. 

I shared this experience with my coach. The thought I kept having when she was gone was, “I can't trust her!” I told my coach all the reasons this thought was true and justified: her long history of dishonesty and disrespect, how suspicious she acted all the time, her questionable friends. I was all wrapped up and anxious about her behavior.

My coach was patient, but then she helped me see something. 

The result I was creating from the thought “I can't trust her!”, and the real reason I was anxious, was because….I actually didn't trust MYSELF. I didn't have a plan for what I would do if I caught her lying to me or breaking the rules. 

The other reason I was anxious was that I was putting all my focus on things outside my control--my daughter's behavior--leaving me with a lot less energy and brain space to manage my own behavior and be an intentional parent.  

This was such an important realization for me. When we put our focus on things outside our control, we feel stressed and powerless. But when we keep our focus inward--on being the best parent we can be--we can handle almost anything. We can parent with more CONFIDENCE and COURAGE. 

That is what I want for me. That is what I want for you.