New Year Resolutions
It's been a couple of weeks since we brought in the new year. I purposefully didn't write an email about setting goals because I wanted to give us some time to start pursuing our goals and then slip up a couple of times, get discouraged, and abandon them.
Of course, I'm (mostly) joking. But there are several fallacies when it comes to New Year resolutions that I want to consider:
The new year is NOT the only time to consider what changes you want to make in your life. You can do this ANY day of the year.
The reason most new year resolutions don't stick is because people typically just write down the actions they want to do differently without considering the thought and belief patterns that are creating those actions. You can't will-power your way to a new habit or goal, at least not long-term. Habits ultimately change when thoughts and beliefs change.
For example, as a parent you might set a goal to stop yelling. Then, you maintain composure and white-knuckle your way through the first few days.
But if you have deep-rooted beliefs that your kids are lazy, disrespectful, and never listen, that old habit of yelling will quickly return.
If you have a goal to hold your kids and teens accountable for helping around the house more, on the first of January you might make a beautiful chore chart, discuss the new plan with everyone, and set up a rewards and consequences system that will last.... approximately 2.5 weeks.
Then, it will likely fizzle out in favor of the way things have always been. In this case, maybe your underlying belief is that you NEED your kids to be happy and like you in order for you to feel okay as a parent.
Without identifying and questioning old thought patterns and beliefs, we won't be able to maintain any of our goals and resolutions long-term.
So, before you set new goals this year (or if you've set a few and are having trouble maintaining them), take a good look at the underlying beliefs and emotions creating the old behaviors.
And my final caution: DON'T abandon a goal just because you run into obstacles and slip up. Achieving goals is not black and white; it is a PROCESS.
Instead, use the slip-up to identify and investigate the false beliefs keeping you stuck in old patterns. Then just make the next best choice to push yourself toward that goal.
The pathway to your goals is never just a perfect straight line. It's more often two steps forward, one step back. It's falling down and getting discouraging, then dusting yourself off and moving forward again.
Remember, you can do MANY amazing things by just being 80% consistent with your goals. And the other 20% of the time is your opportunity to learn what thoughts are getting in the way.
