Parenting on the Same Team

Do you and your spouse disagree about how to raise your kids and teens? 

Maybe one of you is more strict and the other parent more lenient? 

Maybe one of you likes to be involved in everything while the other is more detached? 

Maybe one is easy to talk to while the other is more reserved? 

In coaching, I hear many parents say, "I just wish we were on the same page with parenting."

The problem with this desire is that often the person saying this is less interested in moving to their spouse's page; they want their spouse to come to their page. Because their page is the “right” one, of course. 

When we want our spouse to play a different role or do things differently than they're doing it, it puts us in an adversarial position with our co-parent. 

And what if the “right” page isn’t actually a thing. 

What if your spouse’s beliefs and style of parenting is just as valid as your own? 

Even if you are no longer married to your child’s other parent, you both most likely want what’s best for your kid. Ultimately, you want them to be happy and successful.

So, instead of trying to parent on the same page, I encourage parents to parent on the same TEAM. 

What do we know about teams? Teams are made up of individuals who have unique talents, strengths, and weaknesses. They even have different jobs or roles.

I played on a state championship basketball team in high school. Although I personally wasn't a key player, something I observed was that our incredible shooting guard’s job was made much easier because our 6’2” center was such a threat in the paint. 

And our center’s job was much easier because our shooting guard would sometimes shoot with 80% accuracy from the 3-point line. If the opposing team tried to double-team and shut down one of them, the other was left wide open and had their best game of the season. 

As we parent on the same team, it’s important to remember that everyone has different parenting strengths, values, and roles. And that’s a good thing! 

One of you likes to wake up early with the littles and the other is okay staying up late with the teens.

One of you enjoys cooking dinner and the other is really good at putting the kitchen back together.

One of you is great at discipline and follow-through and the other is good at spending quality one-on-one time with each child.

Use your strengths and allow your partner space to use theirs.

As you embrace the role of parenting together, remember that diversity in approach is not a hindrance but a strength.

Celebrate each other's unique contributions and support each other in fostering a nurturing environment for your children.

You don’t have to be aligned in methods, just in intention.

By appreciating each other's strengths and maintaining open communication, you’re setting a powerful example for your children and demonstrating what a true parenting partnership looks like.