Removing the Thorn from Her Paw

A few years ago, I was walking my dog, Skye, when suddenly I noticed her limping. But she just kept walking, even though she was clearly in pain, so I stopped. She stopped. I bent down and looked at her paw, found the thorn, and pulled it out. Her sweet little eyes thanked me and we went on our way.

At that time, my oldest daughter was struggling a lot: mentally, emotionally, physically, socially, spiritually. She was clearly unhappy and suffering.

She had a "thorn in her paw.” 

But unlike my dog, she wouldn't let me pull it out. She had become increasingly distant. I remember longing for her to talk to me so I could help her. But most days, she wouldn't even stop long enough to let me ask about her day, let alone address the things in her life that were causing her stress and making every step painful.

Because she had pushed me away, I just had to watch her limp along, knowing she had a thorn causing pain at every step; a thorn that I could easily pull out.

I knew I had to wait until she trusted me with her thorns.

When communication breaks down in a relationship, it is never exclusively one person's "fault." It is always an issue with the dynamic, and it's often multi-faceted. We all know by now that we can't control our teen's desire and choice to open up to us. As parents, our job is to consider OUR part in the strained communication and seek to build bridges of trust and openness. 

A few questions to consider: 

• How are we reacting to the things our teen tells us? 

• What percentage of the interactions with our teen are positive? 

• Is love and connection an obvious priority in the relationship?

Sometimes we have to watch our teens as they limp along for weeks, months, or even years while we figure this out this dynamic. But I believe if we continue loving our teen(s) the best way we know how, they will eventually turn to us for support, help, and healing.