Sending Our Kids Off
Today marks a significant and emotional milestone for our family as we send my only son to the Missionary Training Center.
He has been called to serve as a missionary for our church in South Korea. And while he's brimming with excitement and a touch of nerves, our hearts are feeling the weight of his two year absence.
His presence in our family is cherished; we will miss him terribly. He's not only a wonderful son, but also one of my closest friends.
Nothing quite prepares you for the moment when you let your child venture into the world for the first time.
This day brings a whirlwind of emotions: sadness, worry, dread, emptiness, gratitude, excitement, peace, and joy.
Alongside these feelings, a flood of questions arise:
Did I teach him enough?
Will he be okay?
How will he handle being away from home?
Can he take care of himself?
Will our relationship ever be the same?
How will our family cope without him?
Who will help him keep track of his things? (A lighthearted concern, yet a genuine one!)
It can feel overwhelming when my brain offers me so many questions. If we aren't careful, the automatic answer will probably be based in fear and worry.
I've found it useful to just answer these questions one by one with intention.
Did I teach him enough? Probably not! But it's okay because learning from his own experiences is actually the most powerful way to learn.
Will he be okay? Yes, he will. And sometimes he won't. And those are the times he will reach out to someone else (or God), and he'll grow through the process.
Can he take care of himself? Yes, he won't starve; but he will certainly miss home-cooked meals.
Will our relationship be the same? Probably not. But relationships are meant to evolve! It may grow in some ways and feel distant in others. Not hugging him daily will be tough.
How will our family do? The truth? We will all be sad. Some of us will be devastated. I might cry every day for a year. There will certainly be holes in our dynamic, but we will be okay.
We've spent the last few weeks soaking up time with him, taking lots of pictures, and packing him up for this adventure. We’re excited for him and want him to feel all our love and support.
Though my heart will miss him, it’s filled with pride for the amazing young man he’s become!
Kids are supposed to grow up. We knew this all along, didn't we? We've never actually been raising kids; we've been raising adults: unique contributors who speak, act, and dream for themselves.
As much as I love when my teens ask for advice, lately I've tried to hold back. Instead, I ask them questions to ignite their inner compass and wisdom.
Sending our kids into the world can be an emotional time. Especially for those of us that are doing it for the first time.
But our job is not over. We are still their parents. They still need us (maybe now more than ever). They need our love, trust, and support. They might even need to borrow some of our confidence in them until they can grow some for themselves.
As your teen goes off on their next adventure, savor this time and allow yourself to feel whatever feelings come up.
Regardless of what your relationship looks like, you can just decide that it's right where it should be. And it will likely only get better with time.
Are you sending one of your kids off? Reply to this email and tell me all about what you're experiencing.
