"Should" is Keeping You Stuck

How often do you find yourself thinking:

• I really should exercise

• I should eat more vegetables

• I should get more sleep

• I should spend more time with my child

• I should get up earlier

• I should declutter that closet

• I should call that neighbor

If you're like most people, these thoughts probably cross your mind frequently. But here's a question to ponder:

Has "should" ever truly motivated you into positive action?

In my experience, the answer is NO.

Whenever I'm operating from a place of "should," I find myself stuck and not progressing. There are several reasons for this, and I invite you to consider removing "should" from your life.

"Should" is just another way of saying "I need to" or "I have to." These phrases can trigger our fight/flight/freeze response because they imply a lack of choice. Maintaining a sense of agency is crucial for emotional regulation. The moment we say we "should" do something, we often lose the desire to do it altogether. We just want to run away.

The second issue with "should" is that it suggests we can't or won't do something. It sets us up for failure by excusing us from taking action. "Should" lacks commitment and accountability, and it's often laced with judgment, implying there's only one right way to achieve something.

For example, when we say we "should" declutter the closet, it feels like we're not good enough if we decide not to. It carries a weight, as if we don't trust ourselves to be capable or make time. And there's no commitment to when or how it will get done.

To move forward, we need to start telling ourselves the truth. "Should" is a lie—there's actually nothing we should do.

But there are many things we COULD do.

While "should" keeps us feeling inadequate, "could" opens us up to possibilities. It assumes we are capable and helps us drop judgment, allowing for multiple solutions to reach our goals. It keeps us regulated, in control, and empowered.

"Could" puts us on the path to action, making us open to exploring possible actions. It's a step closer to "I choose to" and "I want to," which carry powerful momentum and energy.

In what areas of your life do you notice you're using "should"?

How might shifting to "could" be a game-changer for you?

What comes up when you make this shift?