Should We Be Polite to Alexa?
Today, I caught myself speaking very politely to Alexa. I asked her to set an alarm for 2:10 PM to remind me to pick up my daughter from school. After she confirmed the alarm, I instinctively said thank you.
This little moment made me chuckle, as I'm fully aware that Alexa is just a robotic device. But it got me thinking.
Should I be polite to Alexa?
After some reflection, I realized there are several reasons why I choose to be:
Being courteous is a habit and mindset.
I want to do things that are in integrity with myself, even when no one is watching.
I want to be the person I choose to be regardless of the other person's response to me.
Courtesy (and every other virtue) is a habit. As I've studied the brain, I've found that habits are a much bigger deal than I previously realized. Because our brains are trying to conserve energy, we act from habits of thought and behavior over 90% of the time.
When we're nice to Alexa, we develop the muscle of courtesy and respect even when there are no negative or positive consequences.
Which brings me to my second reason. Who are you when no one is watching? One definition of integrity is having strong moral principles, regardless of the circumstance (or the audience).
No one will know if I am unkind to Alexa. Most people won't even know if I'm unkind to my family. But my family will, and so will I. Some people argue that our true selves are the person we are when no one is watching. That has given me reason to pause and reflect.
The last reason to be kind to Alexa is because I want to show up as my best self regardless of another person's response.
I’m not nice to Alexa because Alexa’s feelings will be hurt or she’ll get mad at me if I'm mean.
I’m not nice to Alexa because I want her to think that I’m a good person.
I’m not even nice to Alexa because I want her to reciprocate my kindness.
I’m nice to Alexa because it feels good to be polite and courteous.
How many times in our relationships do we justify our bad behavior because of the bad behavior of someone else? Truthfully, we all do it.
We have truly arrived as humans when we can keep showing up as our best selves regardless of the response we get from others. And we might as well practice with the Alexa.
A few years ago, I debated whether to return a grocery cart or leave it by the curb. (Obviously, I'd chosen many times to curb-prop or this wouldn't even be a debate.)
I was in a hurry and I was cold. But I paused and thought how in trying to save 20 seconds of my time, I was potentially inconveniencing many people.
So I decided that I want to return my cart to the cart aisle. Not because I was going to get in trouble if I didn't. And not because I’m a better person if I do. But just because that’s the person I want to be. I don’t want to leave extra work for others.
The lesson from my Alexa reflection is clear. There are times in relationships when we feel like the other person isn’t deserving of kindness, compassion, love, or forgiveness.
But the truth is when we choose not to show up in those ways it hurtsus! It undermines our integrity with ourselves and prevents us from being the person we want to be.
And truthfully, it's also no fun to be unkind, judgmental, hateful, and unforgiving: don't forget that part.
Personally, I want to be somebody that shows up in every situation as my best self regardless of how others show up. It's something I'm actively working on, and apparently Alexa is helping me.
