The Beauty of Holding Space

I've observed that people often feel uneasy when those around them express strong emotions.

Our instinctive reactions are to either soothe the person or convince them out of their feelings. Both approaches, however, inadvertently deny the person's emotional experience.

Why do we struggle to let others simply feel their emotions?

I think another person's discomfort only affects us when we mistakenly believe it's our responsibility to fix it.

But here's the truth: it's not our job to fix it, and it's perfectly okay for others to feel however they choose.

Think about it:

• What feels most supportive to you when you're experiencing strong emotions?

• How do you react when someone tries to talk you out of how you feel?

When others try to dismiss our feelings, we often feel misunderstood and frustrated. Emotions tend to escalate when they aren't validated.

What if all our loved ones need is for us to hold space for their emotions? What if the best thing to do is simply validate how they feel? Remember, it's not our job to fix, solve, or even help them feel better.

What if their emotions are directed at you?

You can still validate their experience without agreeing with the beliefs behind it. You don’t have to agree with their thoughts to acknowledge and empathize with their feelings.

This is the essence of "holding space."

Hold space for the emotional experiences of your teens, friends, and spouse.

Just hold space. You don’t need to help them feel better or solve their problems.

Show confidence in their ability to process their own emotions and self-regulate.

Hold space for however they choose to feel.

I promise this approach is more supportive and effective than trying to change or fix the other person.

Try it out this week and let me know how it goes.