The Parable of the Pumpkin Plant

My husband grew pumpkins in our garden this year. Fascinating plant, to be honest. In the beginning, it was just a small plant in one central location. But over the past few months, it expanded to fill the entire plant bed and has even spilled onto the sidewalk and neighbor's yard. The leaves are big and lush and hide the emerging pumpkins when they are small and green. As the pumpkins begin to grow and change to orange, you gradually see them more easily and can count them. 

Then something interesting happens. The once large, lush, green leaves begin to lighten in color, get more thin, and wilt. As the pumpkins continue to grow, the plant eventually thins and dies away, leaving only its prized fruit as a token of its effort and existence. 

This seems to be a natural cycle in the life of a pumpkin. 

I couldn't help but consider how this relates to the cycle of raising children. When children are young, they are protected by their parents love and guidance. They are given significant nourishment and attention for their growth and progression. But as they start to grow and come into their color, they emerge as individuals and rely less and less on the protection of their parents. The parent continues to counsel the child and provide structure and discipline through their teen years. But as teen comes into their own person, they make a lot of their own decisions and experiences successes and failures based on their choices. 

But that is where the analogy ends. Parents AREN'T pumpkins! 

Their sole purpose in life can't just be to nourish their “fruit” until they themselves are withered away and dying! Wise parents don't just give and give and give, leaving no time and attention to themselves. This is the path of resentment, overinvestment, enmeshment, and dysfunction. The parent-teen relationship is actually much stronger in the setting of boundaries, guidelines, and limitations. And parents thrive when they give from a full bucket. This requires intentional self-care, practices to maintain physical and emotional health, and lots of self-compassion. For me, when I was drowning in resentment, dysfunction, and worry, it meant hiring a life coach who helped put me back in alignment and self-confidence. Others parents may decide to invest in a gym membership or find a new hobby. 

Because unlike pumpkins, parents still have a life to live once their teenagers launch into the world.