The Power of a Dream

In coaching parents, I frequently hear the complaint that their teen is lazy. I know that thought seems very "true" for many parents as they watch their kid refuse to do many important things like schoolwork and home responsibilities.

Personally, I don't think teens are lazy. I do, however, believe many teens don't YET have a dream.

Let me tell you a story.

When I think about my 17-year-old son right now, one thing is VERY clear: dreams are powerful.

This time last year, my son was pretty checked out academically. He had five honors and AP classes, but his habits and choices were getting in the way of him being the highly successful student he was capable of being.

He suffered from insomnia and got sick frequently, but mostly he just wasn't motivated to be a good student. He was reading the book Rich Dad, Poor Dad, and he was convinced he was going to be a successful millionaire entrepreneur by the age of thirty. By his calculations, college was a waste of time.

He slept in everyday and gave minimal effort, then would work hard the last few weeks of the term to try to pull his grades up.

Fast forward to this week: he has had a complete change of perspective. He not only wants to go to college, he wants to go to Stanford University. Stanford's acceptance rate is 3.7%. The average Freshman GPA is 3.95 and ACT score is 35.

I'll admit, the prospect of my son getting into Stanford is a long shot. But he is currently on FIRE.

He’s been studying like crazy for the ACT; he joined DECA and the National Honors Society; he started a school pickleball club (because apparently that looks good on college applications); he spent several weeks preparing a Sterling Scholar application; he's talking to and getting advice and support from all his teachers; and he's attending and excelling in all his current classes.

Clearly, he found his DREAM, which drastically transformed his behavior.

But my son probably didn't change his behavior because of anything I said (though I said plenty on a few occasions); he changed after talking to a dozen highly successful businessmen.

Their solid advice gave my son a WHY: a reason to get to bed earlier so he could get to school on time; a reason to study hard for the ACT; a reason to strive for excellence instead of settling for mediocrity.

Our teens aren’t lazy.

They just need a dream.

I encourage parents to use whatever time they might spend criticizing or judging their teen connecting with them instead. Ask open-ended questions and support them in discovering their dream.

They probably have one, though it might be currently buried by insecurities and doubt-- which, incidentally, look a lot like laziness to the naked eye.

Give it a try. Help your teen find their dream. I'm excited to hear what you discover together.