The Power of Identity

One of the most powerful things we can do to gain more self-awareness is to pay attention to the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. These stories, for better or worse, make up our identity.

When I'm coaching a client, they tell me things like, "I'm a procrastinator," "I've always been insecure," "I can't talk to people I don't know," "I'm not a good student."

They think they're just telling me facts about themselves. But what they're actually telling me is their THOUGHTS about themselves. This is a very important distinction.

We couldn't take someone to the doctor and get a blood test to see if they are positive for the "procrastinator gene" or the "insecure trait."

Saying we are procrastinators or insecure are just thoughts. We may have lots of evidence to support those thoughts, but it still doesn't make them "true."

What is TRUE is that our identities aren't fixed. We can change them ANYTIME we want to.

We need to be especially careful what follows our "I am" statements. They are so powerful that our brains go to work MAKING them true.

In fact, any time we act in opposition to that identity, it will be unsettling to our brain, even if it's a positive change.

Until your identity changes, you will likely continue to sabotage the creation of new habits that are in opposition to your current identity.

Our identity DRIVES OUR HABITS!

Why does this matter? Well, for one, establishing an identity is one of the MAIN jobs of the adolescent years. Yet many teens are in a partial or complete identity crisis.

For example, when my daughter was 16, in one single year she changed her hair color 14 times, questioned her gender, experimented with her sexual orientation, stopped caring about school, transformed her clothing style (one week it was Disney Princess, the next week it was Emo), dropped ALL her religious beliefs, and changed friend groups several times.

From the outside I could see that her identity was fragile. She was looking OUTSIDE herself trying to figure out who she was rather than connecting with herself and deciding on purpose who she wanted to be.

Our identity is a CHOICE! It doesn't just happen to us. We get to choose the stories we think and believe about ourselves.

We can just decide we are good students and kind friends. We can choose to believe we are outgoing, organized, punctual, and thoughtful.

We can truly believe anything we want to believe about ourselves!

But choose your beliefs about yourself with wisdom and intention.

Your identity is truly yours to create.