The Secret to Holiday Happiness
As parents, especially moms, we often have a vision of the perfect holiday: matching pajamas, a smiling family by the Christmas tree, everyone pitching in with the meal, and heartfelt gratitude shared over hot chocolate after a day of sledding.
Sounds dreamy, right?
This Thanksgiving, I found myself frustrated when things weren't "ideal," which soured the day for me and likely my family too. Determined to do better this Christmas, I've adopted a simple equation to guide me:
Our Reality - Our Expectations = Our Level of Happiness
For example, if our reality is a 5/10 and our expectations are 10/10, our happiness level is an uncomfortable -5/10.
We all know those people who always seem positive and happy, and we often think they just have a perfect kids or money growing on their trees. But what if it's something else entirely?
It's hard not to believe that if our circumstances just improved (our reality) our happiness would naturally increase.
I certainly believe this sometimes. My unfiltered brain chatter sounds something like:
If only this person were more cheerful
If only he hadn't gotten sick
If that kid was just more grateful and less contentious
If Great Aunt Hazel would just show up on time
If my kids just helped clean up
If the snow would just stay in the mountains and OFF these dang roads!
If only we just had a little more money for Christmas presents
Maybe this is a natural instinct, but trying to change our reality is the hard way.Some things can be changed, it's true; but most cannot. Especially other people.People tend to behave as they always have, and it's amusing how often we're surprised by this.
The quickest path to a happier holiday is adjusting our expectations. Lowering expectations increases happiness every time. And thankfully, expectations are within our control. While this is less dramatic than controlling the world, it's far more empowering.
If family members are in a bad mood, let them be. If they're not grateful, that's their loss—not yours. If Aunt Hazel is late, decide without frustration whether or not to wait for her. If the roads are slippery, adjust your timing expectations. If money is tight, focus on gratitude for what you have.
Reflecting on Mel Robbins' book, "The Let Them Theory," we are reminded that others can think, feel, and act as they choose, and we can choose for ourselves too.
Most relationship pain stems from trying to control others, but it's not our job.
Let them judge us. Let them behave how they think is best. Let them be unhappy. Let them come late. Let them make the casserole their way. Let them choose how they want to celebrate the holidays.
But also.... Let ME choose all these things for myself. And let me choose it all with intention, undeterred by the thousands of things outside my control.
Now, breathe a sigh of relief because I've just given you the secret to enjoying your holidays more. And you don't have to wait around for anyone or anything else to change. Such good news!
Shift your mindset, embrace acceptance, gratitude, and lower expectations. Trust me, you'll feel much happier.
