The Worst Question to Ask Your Teen

You come home from work and half the contents of the fridge have been abandoned on the counter. There's something sticky on the floor, and you feel it stick to your shoe with every step. You son's clothes and socks are strewn all down the stairs. Backpacks are dumped out on the couch. No one has started their homework or their chores. After a few minutes of searching, you find all you kids downstairs watching the Disney Channel.

The first questions that come to your mind probably start with WHY??!?

• Why did you leave everything out on the counter?

• Why aren't your clothes put away?

• Why hasn't anyone started their homework?

• Why do you think you get to watch TV when you haven't done your chores?

• Why am I the only one that cares about the house? Do you think I'm your slave or something?

"Why" is almost always the worst possible question you can ask your teen.

This is because "why" often leads people to feel defensive. "Why" questions are often full of assumptions and judgment. Think about it, there are NO good answers to these questions!

Truthful answers would be sometime like: "Uh, I left everything on the counter because I was lazy and got distracted," or "I didn't start my homework because my brain is fried and I was hoping someone else would do it for me."

So, instead of asking "why," "why did you," or "why didn't you," here are some better options:

• Tell me more about that; I'm curious.

• Paint me a picture of what you day looked like after school today.

• This doesn't make sense to me, but it probably does to you. Enlighten me.

• Help me understand your reasoning here.

• What led you to that opinion/decision?

Notice most of these aren't even questions, and they are very open-ended and open-minded. No assumptions or judgments.

So the next time your brain offers you "why" questions, keep them to yourself and rephrase. You will get much better answers and your kid will get to preserve their dignity.