Trying to Always Say Yes

Are you a yes-mom (or dad)? Or is it your knee-jerk reaction to say no? Most parents have a natural tendency one way or another. Maybe you've never thought about it before. 

I have a friend who told me that when her kids get to high school, she sits them aside and has a little talk. 

She tells them essentially: "Now that you're in high school, I have a lot of trust and faith in you. You are capable and smart. Because of this, I'm going to everything I can to tell you YES. 

"Yes, you can go to the movies. Yes, you can borrow my car. Yes, you can leave school to go get lunch once a week. Yes, you can go on vacation with your friend's family. Yes, you can have your friends over for pizza and a movie. Yes, I will come pick you up.

“But the contingency is that when I say NO, you respect the no and trust that I have good reasons. I promise it won't be very often.”

This supports much of what I've studied about teens. Some of their greatest frustrations in life are being told no, not feeling heard, and being shut down. 

I think one of the main reasons teens rebel is that they get tired of hearing no all the time, so they tell themselves yes even when their parent says no. 

Sometime the yes needs to be followed with a qualification: "Yes, and you need to load the dishwasher first"; or “Yes, and you will need to take your sister to soccer on the way.”

Teens love hearing yes. They love it so much more than: “No, you haven't finished your dishes,” or “No, I need the car to drive your sister to soccer.”

The magical thing about telling our teens yes is that humans naturally model behavior. And reciprocation is second-nature to teens. The more we tell them yes, the more they will tell us yes. 

I encourage you to give it a try!