When the Fire Alarm Sounds

My house has THE most sensitive fire alarm. Even the simplest cooking task can set it off.

Reflecting on this made me realize that many people have similarly sensitive nervous systems. Like my fire alarm, it takes very little to dysregulate them—sometimes just a questionable look from a stranger.

While this sensitivity can be a gift, it can also be misleading and frustrating.

Our nervous system's primary role is to keep us safe, sensing danger and preparing us to fight or flee.

But if our system is triggered by the smallest things, like "burning toast," how can we regain our sense of safety?

I'll give you a simple 4-step process.

Step 1: Remind yourself you're safe. Since most of the time, that's true.

Step 2: Name the emotion. Connect with your emotional experience. The alarm of your nervous system is sounding because of the meaning your brain assigns to your environment. It's the emotion, not the thoughts, that needs your attention.

"I'm embarrassed." I'm sad. Despite your body's reaction, emotions aren't dangerous and won't harm you.

Step 3: Process the emotion. Whether it's fear, embarrassment, anger, disappointment, or shame. Feel its effects in your body—a racing heart, tight chest, or sinking stomach—and breathe oxygen into those tense areas.

Emotions typically last no longer than 90 seconds and are quite subtle if we just allow them to wash over us.

Step 4: Exposure yourself often. If you have a sensitive nervous system, I invite you to do MORE things that dysregulate you, not less.

Over time, your emotional window of tolerance will grow, and your life will expand.

Engage in activities that challenge you: competitive sports, musical education, ice baths/showers, and problem-solving. Practice reminding yourself you are safe when your body reacts with frustration or stress.

My (very sensitive) daughter recently shared an analogy about cliff-jumping. Just before you jump, you're full of fear; your heart is racing and you can barely get yourself to do it.

Then you jump and it's amazing! You even want to do it again! Each time, you're still scared, but not as much. And the rush more than compensates for the initial fear.

When your brain tells you to quit and run away from a challenge or experience, push yourself to stay with it a little longer, breathing deeply through the discomfort.

A sensitive nervous system is a gift. It connects you more deeply to humanity and allows you to experience the full range of human emotion. But remember, you don't have to run outside and call the fire department every time you "burn toast."

Help your nervous system work with you by reminding yourself you're safe, processing your emotions, and gradually building your emotional window of tolerance.