When Your Teen Doesn't Talk to You

"My teen never talks to me."

I hear this from lots of parents who are confused, frustrated, and saddened by the changing dynamic with their teenager. They feel disconnected and don't know what to do.

Why do teenagers stop talking to their parents and what can we do about it? Knowing these reasons can help make talking at home easier and more friendly.

First of all, teens might not want to talk because, well, they just don’t feel like it. Especially if they aren't the talkative type. If they didn't talk to you much as a kid, chances are they won't talk to you much as a teen.

Being a teen is a time when kids start caring more about their privacy. They’re figuring out who they are, and sometimes they find the need to keep things to themselves.

Another reason teens don't talk is they might worry that you’ll judge them. If they hear you talking about other people who do things they do, they could be afraid you'll judge them, too.

They also might worry about losing your love if you knew everything about them.

Teens also fear you might misunderstand them. They don’t want you to get the wrong idea or assume something about them that isn't true.

Sometimes, kids feel like parents want to change them. If they think you are going to tell them to be different, they might not want to share their feelings.

Plus, they might worry you’ll stop them from doing something they want to do. They are learning to be their own person and make their own choices.

Teens also want to avoid fights. If they think talking will cause arguments, they might keep quiet to keep the peace.

Lastly, maybe the home communication dynamic isn’t very healthy. If communication isn't open and easy, kids might avoid talking about personal things.

So, if your teen doesn't talk to you much, don't fret. But here are a few things you can do to open the door of communication.

Make sure your kids know you love them no matter what. Express love often, and never have your love tied to anything they do or don't do. Unconditional love is the key.

Try to listen to your teens without jumping to conclusions or interrupting (I'm SO bad at this sometimes!!) and show that their feelings are important.

Listen first, empathy second, continue LISTENING, then maybe ask a question.

Be aware of your reactions to anything they tell you. Resist the urge to be shocked, get mad, or break into a lecture. Know that your teens will sometimes tell you things their "friends" are doing to see what you will say or do.

Also, confide in your teens occasionally to set a precedence for them to follow your lead.

And lastly, be patient. Teens go through phases where they're more closed off and then more open. So, stand by, communication will likely get easier.