Who Do I Want to Be

Many of us find ourselves frustrated by the behavior of others. We’re surprised and upset when people act as they usually do, over and over again.

This frustration often stems from the mistaken belief that others' behavior causes our emotions. We think we can only feel better if they change.

Our minds bombard us with negative questions that lead to more frustration:

• Why is she making terrible choices?

• Why is he so stubborn?

• Why doesn't he ever learn?

• Why is she so infuriating to be around?

This way of thinking leaves us feeling powerless.

(Am I the only one who struggles with this?)

Instead of trying to answer these questions, I invite you to consider a different one: Who do I want to be?

• Who do I want to be when my daughter doesn’t turn in her homework?

• Who do I want to be when my spouse speaks disrespectfully?

• Who do I want to be when another driver cuts me off in traffic?

• Who do I want to be when my son lies to me?

It seems like my daughter is pulling away right now. My mind wants to focus on her behavior and why I deserve better treatment.

Why is she so ungrateful? Why is she so selfish? Why is she pushing me away? Judgmental questions that have no positive answers.

But I keep redirecting my focus to what I can control in the relationship: my thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Who do I want to be when my daughter needs space?

This question is far more useful and empowering. It allows me to choose patience, understanding, and love rather than anger and resentment.

The next time you feel frustrated by the actions of others, instead of indulging in the questions your brain offers you, I invite you to try out a new question:

Who you want to be in this situation?

You might find that this simple shift can transform your experiences and relationships.