Escaping the Judgment Trap

Are you a natural critic? Is it typical for you to look around assessing what could be better about your home, your neighborhood, your kids' school, your body....your husband, your kids, your teens (lots to improve upon there!).

Well, congratulations, you are human! Our brain's job is keep us safe: to scan for potential dangers and take notice of things that aren't "right."

The problem is, this can be exhausting. And the people in your life don't actually want/need your scrutiny or unsolicited advice.

Mother Teresa declared the painful truth, "If you judge people, you have no time to love them."

So, today I'm offering you an opportunity to get out of the judgment trap for a little while.

Did you know that judgment often comes in pairs? When we wire our brain for judging others, we are also most likely judging OURSELVES.

But because it feels uncomfortable to judge ourselves, we deflect the judgment to others.

When my oldest was struggling, I was FULL of judgment. I knew she was making terrible choices that she would regret.

My mind would spin in judgmental questions. Why is she so ungrateful? Why is she throwing her life away? Why doesn't she get it?

But the true was, I was also VERY concerned that she was making me look bad. I felt like her behavior was a reflection on me.

So, I would start judging myself. What did I do wrong? Where did I mess up? I must be a terrible mom for her to treat me this way.

This same cycle, over and over.

The simple solution to escaping the judgment trap is to give ourselves SPACE and GRACE.

It's okay to mess up. It's okay to be human. All we can do is our best. Self-forgiveness. Self-love. Over and over.

No judgment necessary.

The beautiful truth is that when you stop judging yourself so harshly, you'll also stop judging your teen.

Instead, you'll give them the benefit of the doubt and be curiously intrigued by their choices.

This feels SO much lighter (and more fun) than judgment.