Start Telling Yourself the Truth

We lie to ourselves every day.

We tell ourselves things like "I need to make dinner," "I have to get this done," or "I should do it this way."

But the truth is, we don't "need to" or "have to" do any of those things. And "should" isn't really a thing.

This is important because when we use any of these phrases, we automatically don't want to do anything.

Have you ever noticed this?

Our nervous systems stays regulated only when we remain in a place of CHOICE and AGENCY. When our brain thinks we're being forced to do something, it activates our fight/flight/freeze response.

"Should" and "have-to" thoughts create a response in our nervous system similar to us running away (fight/flight) or digging our heels in (freeze).

This makes what we want to do SO much harder. Then the only power we have to get something done is willpower (where we feel like we are working AGAINST ourselves).

A few months ago, I was coaching a 16-year old who told me that she was having a difficult time getting her homework done. She "hated" homework, and she didn't want to do it. Instead, she wanted to read, draw, and relax.

After a few questions, I immediately knew what the problem was: she was telling herself she "had" to do her homework. I pointed out that she was lying to herself. She didn't have to do her homework--not today, not ever.

She was a little taken aback. I asked her if that was true.

She agreed that no one was forcing her to do her homework; no one would put her in jail if she didn't do it. Then she listed all the unfavorable things that would likely happen if she didn't do it. She would get bad grades; she wouldn't get into the college she wanted to attend; she would mess up her future.

"So, you want good grades?" Yes. "So, you want to go to college?" Yes. "So, you want to have a fulfilling future?" Yes.

"Oh, so you actually WANT to do your homework."

She laughed out loud, still a little confused.

I helped her see her truth: she wanted good grades and college options MORE than she wanted free time. But she had been creating resistance and making it harder to get her homework done by telling herself she "had" to do it, but didn't want to.

Desire is much more powerful than willpower. Having a compelling WHY is healthy fuel for the results we want in our lives.

Always stay empowered and remind yourself that you have CHOICE.

If you are doing something, you want to and are choosing to do it!

You might be doing it because you want to keep the peace. Own it! You might be doing it for your future self. Own that too!

• I'm choosing to make dinner because I know my husband will be tired and hungry when he gets home from work.

• I want to take my kids to the park because I know they want to go.

• I'm willing to take my daughter shopping (even though reading my book sounds more relaxing) because I know she would like new shoes.

• I want to get a job because I want save money for my future.

Stop kidding yourself and thinking you have to do things. Stop saying you don't want to do something that you are doing.

Remind yourself every day that you have CHOICE!

I choose to....

I want to...

I'm willing to...

I can...