Stop Telling Painful Stories

Last week at a conference, I had an unexpected and deep conversation with the woman sitting next to me. Ten minutes before the speaker began, she opened up about her regrets over decisions made 20-30 years ago. She said she wondered if those decisions had made it impossible for her to have the life she wanted today.

I was taken aback by her vulnerability and shared my perspective with her.

I told her I didn't believe in that way of thinking, and I encouraged her to stop telling herself painful stories!

I asked her if she could consider for just a moment the belief that NOTHING had actually gone wrong in her life; that maybe, just maybe, she was exactly where she was supposed to be.

She got a little emotional as she started to consider it.

I asked her if she had a time machine. We laughed. Of course I knew she didn't. So, I asked her if there was ANY up-side to believing her painful story?

We talked about it for a minute, and she realized this story was keeping her stuck and was only one way of viewing her past.

…..

Now, think of a painful story you’ve been telling yourself.

What if instead of believing that your present or future will never be what you want, you considered a different perspective?

Regardless of whether you could argue that this story is "true," if it isn't helping you feel empowered and positive in your life TODAY, I invite you to put it down for just a minute.

Now, consider what might ALSO be true.

If you're open to it, maybe even play with the idea that NOTHING has gone wrong.

The stories we tell ourselves matter! They impact our present and future happiness more than almost anything else!

What is the story you believe about your past? Your present? Your future?

Remember, you are the author of your story, and most importantly the editor. If any part of the story you're believing isn't serving you, you have the power to change the narrative.

Reflecting on my own life, I've realized how different my stories could sound:

• "We've had financial struggles for 23 years of marriage!" could be "We've always had exactly what we need."

• "My children struggle and it's all my fault!" could be "My children are my best teachers and they are right on track."

• "I should've chosen differently," could be "I'm so much smarter and better from all I've learned from making that choice."

  …..

I could've just sat with that woman at the conference and expressed compassion and empathy for her hard life, and that would've been kind.

Personally, I think it was FAR more kind to offer her another option of viewing her past, present, and future.

Her tears and the big hug she gave me afterward reassured me that I made the right choice.