The Solution to Bullying

Your teens probably just started back to school for their second trimester of school. Maybe they were a little nervous because some of their classes changed. I thought today would be a good day to address the hot topic of bullying.

In the past few decades, the school system has gone to great lengths to address and decrease the prevalence of bullying, both on and off campus. This has been a good progressive move.

Greater awareness and more vigilance on the part of teachers and administrators has helped a lot. But I think many kids (and even adults) have some misconceptions about bullying. 

I have possibly a unique opinion about bullying that I want to share.

I think the best solution to bullying is EMPOWERMENT, both to the “bully” and the person being bullied (notice I did not use the word victim).

One of my main goals in coaching teens is helping them feel empowered, as the hero of their story instead of the victim. Instead of waiting around for the "bully" to change or stop their behavior, what is within your power to control? What are some things they can do today to help solve their problem?

These thoughts I borrowed from Byron Katie can be tricky for teens (and even adults) to adopt, but can set us free in a bullying situation.

• "What other people think of me is none of my business."

• "Other people don't have to like me; that's MY job."

Or one of my favorite quotes of all time is from Eleanor Roosevelt:

• "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

These beliefs bring empowerment from the inside-out. Whatever the situation, a bully can't actually make us feel anything. We always get to choose what we think and feel about ourselves.

Another important realization for the person being bullied is to recognize that every “bully” has been or is currently being “bullied” somewhere in their lives. They likely feel victimized at home or at school in one form or another.

Bullying someone else gives them a false sense of power that feels better than feeling like a victim.

Which is why we need to teach and encourage the “bully” to also become empowered, so they can use their power in constructive and healthy ways.

So, when addressing situations where your teen is either being bullied or is the "bully," start by acknowledging and validating their experience--empathy first, always. Then, focus the discussion on EMPOWERMENT.

Notice I said discussion, not lecture. It's always best to ask teens questions and encourage them to do the majority of the talking, especially when talking about sensitive topics.